Wednesday, March 08, 2006

March for Life

OK, so I'm sure all of you were too busy to watch or attend the annual March for Life rally this year, so I have taken it upon myself to watch the video on CSPAN's website. Here is my report:

First, this lady who was the head of the right to life people kept talking about "the feminist abortionists," and predicting that one day, there will be Nuremburg-esque trials of such individuals. Then some congressman from Cincinnati got up and started quoting the bible. (On the National Mall, with the Capitol behind him!) Then Bush got on the asshole phone from Kansas and talked about how the Declaration of Independence required us to protect unborn children.

Then this other guy warned that "people want to expropriate your tax dollars to experiment on embryos," and explained that, while he wouldn't predict how Alito and Roberts would vote on abortion, they were "men who respect the original text of the Constitution, and the Constitution respects life." Which is really an amazing assertion -- not the (probably correct) argument that the original understanding of the Constitution would not include a privacy-based right to abortion, but rather that the Constitution affirmatively forbids abortion -- a radical notion indeed.

Then Terri Schaivo's brother busted out with all kinds of bullshit, because, last time I checked, Terri Shaivo didn't have an abortion (or a frontal lobe, but that's another story.) Then these Greek Orthodox dudes turned up and the crowd pretended to cheer but really were like, who the fuck are these guys and what the fuck are they wearing? Also they brought out the token black guy.

And then they brought out the winners of the high school and junior high school pro-life poster and essay contests. And when one of the six fuckwit children announced that she "homeschools" (apparently this verb is now intransitive), a huge cheer rose up from the crowd.

Then this orthodox Jewish guy blew his shofar and started raving about "Pharaoh's legislature," Osama Bin Ladan, and "militant homosexuality," and everyone was cheering and you know that they were thinking, "this dude's right. It's too bad he's going to hell because his ancestors killed Jesus."

Finally, the head lady talked about the feminist abortionists some more, thanked all the bus captains, and gave the order to march.

I hope this has been of value to you.