Yesterday's "Zits" took me back to those pre-PC high school days when we went around using "gay" as a term of derision for the irretrievably unhip. In the current era of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," it strikes me that the implied stereotype was about 180 degrees off the mark. Because if you think back to high school, did the yearbook photo editor or the Oklahoma! dance captain sport unfashionable shoes? No, they had the most fabulous shoes in the entire school!
Speaking of high school, I sometimes regret not having attended one large enough to boast an old-school marching band. Through my office window, which overlooks Pennsylvania Avenue, I am from time to time treated to a mobile concert by youngsters whose directors are no doubt living it up on bus-tour operator kickbacks.
Last Thursday, my attention was drawn to an unusually skilled--and unusually loud--band. Glancing down the street, I witnessed the approach of the largest marching band I had ever seen. As they drew nearer, I noticed that the group was composed exclusively of Asian adults--not exactly the demographic one most associates with the medium.
I watched in fascination as the musicians passed, and then was alarmed to discover that they were trailed by a parade of floats bearing grotesque human tableaux. One involved a shirtless victim suspended from a torture rack, surrounded by men in military uniforms. A second tableau presented an operating table, complete with patient, around which gowned surgeons held aloft blood-stained replicas of human organs.
And then I realized what I was witnessing: this was the legendary Divine Land Marching Band, composed of more than two hundred Falun Gong practitioners! Yes, for reasons that remain clear only to leader Li Hongzhi, the 80-million-strong Chinese calisthenics cult has chosen to disseminate its message throughout the western world via the immortal strains of "Louie, Louie." It does make some sense, actually; Li's official biography states that he once served as trumpeter in a police band. That said, the bio also claims that Li can walk through walls and make himself invisible.
And finally, a cheap shot, but one I can't resist:
"Goddamn my boss is an idiot!"