Now, behold, if you dare, the Itsy-Bitsy Spider-Man:
talks, dances, even sings! This friendly plush, electronic Spider-Man figure is ready to boogie! Press his left foot and he sings and dances to the "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" song! Press his right foot and he moves and grooves while singing the Spider-Man & Friends theme song! He even says fun phrases like, "Would you like to have some fun?" and "C'mon, let's do it again!"
Indeed, this ignominy is precisely the sort of thing a demented Marvel Comics villian would visit on Spider-Man:
The Toymaker: Well, Spider-Man, I've been expecting you.
The Toymaker: Yes, welcome to my workshop. Oh, and never mind the force field...
The Toymaker: Ha ha ha ha! You thought you'd defeated me back at FAO Schwartz, but now it's time to PLAY!
Spidey: You'll never get away with this, Toymaker!
The Toymaker: Oh, we'll see about that. I have great plans for you, Spider-Man, or should I say, The Itsy-Bitsy Spider-Man! (Engages shrink-ray.)
The Toymaker: Wa ha ha ha! (Engages emasculation-ray, audio-animatronic-ray, move-and-groove-ray.)
The Toymaker: Come on in, children!
Children: Yay! Yay!
Spidey: Must...no...arrrgghhh...the itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout! Down came the rain and washed the spider out!
Children: Yay! We love you, Toymaker!
Spidey: Noooooooout came the sun and dried up all the rain...