Wednesday, October 04, 2006

This Week, My Post Will Touch on Mark Foley

Get it? My post will touch on Mark Foley? That, friends, is approximately the level of maturity exhibited in the 52-year-old ex-Congressman's instant messages. How wonderful to know that as Congress wrestled with the war, the deficit, and other key issues of the day, Foley's legislative duties did not distract him from seeking out such vital information as whether a teenage lacrosse player prefers to kneel or to lie down when he "spanks it."

I wish I had something creatively smirky to add to the Foley story. But this debacle is just so excellent as to stand alone and unalloyed, monolithic in its irony. Let's review: The co-chair of the Missing & Exploited Children Caucus, the recent sponsor of H.R. 5749, "A Bill to amend title 18, United States Code, to protect youth from exploitation by adults using the Internet, and for other purposes," was caught sending dirty IMs to an underage congressional page. And the page is male, while this fellow belongs to a political party somewhat dependant on the "values" (read: anti-gay) vote. And it's starting to look like the party leadership, perhaps following in the fine example of certain Catholic bishops, had tolerated its member's twink proclivity for a fair bit of time.

So, unable to contribute much of value, I shall leave you merely with a brief prayer, followed by a joke I heard recently.

The prayer, inspired by the Chicago Tribune's report that Congress has established a toll-free number on which current and former pages can report prior inappropriate contact with Mark Foley, is as follows: Dear Lord, no matter what my faults, no matter how great the transgressions into which this wicked world may tempt me, please, please let me never screw up so badly as to necessitate the establishment of a goddamned toll-free number.

And, the joke: Q. Does Mark Foley use bookmarks? A. No, he just bends over the pages.

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