Monday, February 25, 2008

High Stakes Softball at the FDOC • Brokeback Mountain ≠ Sodomite Recruiting Video

In a fit of nerdiness, the Holy Prepuce has added to the site a "random toke" feature. For those readers insufficiently puerile or pretentious to interpret H.P.'s direct allusion to drug culture and oblique reference to French obscenity, this means that if you click in the left-hand column where it says "[c]lick here for a random toke on the Prepuce," the site will redirect you at random to a prior Holy Prepuce post. (Feed and email subscribers will need to visit the website to make this work.)

But enough of the past -- what is tickling the Holy Prepuce right this minute? First, this article concerning "a startling list of alleged abuses and crimes" at the Florida Department of Corrections. The inmate abuse, kickbacks, and misuse of public funds are nothing remarkable for a state prison system. But worthy of note is FDOC's innovative personnel policy: the awarding of promotions based on home runs hit in the inter-departmental softball league! And how did department employees react to this policy? Why, just as anyone would adapt to an environment in which career advancement depends on slugging ability: steroids. Oh yes, and apparently each game was followed by an orgy.

Second, Heath Ledger's hasty addition to this year's "let's play John Williams music under a montage of everyone who's died since the last Oscars" reminds H.P. of the always-reliable Westboro Baptist Church, which picketed the actor's memorial services because of his role in Brokeback Mountain. According to WBC, Ledger's portrayal of a gay cowboy has rendered him a "fag enabler" and condemned him to an eternity of torment in Hell. (As this site has noted before, WBC believes Ledger will have a lot of company there, most recently the victims of the Northern Illinois University shootings, smitten by God because of a 2000 NIU "conference for fags . . . headed by some preacher who had a sex change operation.")

The thing that H.P. has never understood about the religious and other anti-gay opposition to Brokeback Mountain is this idea that the movie is some kind of recruiting commercial for gayness, ready to lead young Christian men astray. But if we take the film's plot as a sort of road map for the gay life that awaits young recruits, what is the take-home message? Basically that (warning: spoiler) your one carefree summer of mountaintop sex will be paid for with a lifetime of broken dreams, divorce, alienation, and either violent death or a middle age lived out in a ramshackle trailer, talking to your dead lover's cowboy shirt. This is an advertisement for the ways of Sodom?


  1. I would imagine that living in a ramshackle trailer is a step up for a lot of the fundie fringe -- don't they presume a violent death anyway when the gov'ment comes to take their guns?

  2. Ha ha, check it out: the Net Nanny at the Florida Department of Corrections kept some FDOC employee from looking at this post! (Florida Department Of Corrections)

    Florida, Tallahassee, United States

    February 26th 2008 03:13:46 PM

    ("AfterWorkOptions.cgi?" is the giveaway; it's the signature query of a popular internet censorship utility.)

  3. Hello there,

    If you've got a minute, why not spend it perusing the website of the hot new
    Religious cartoon JFC!

    You'll see why Bono is saying "Forget Africa, donate your money to JFC"

    and why Christians are saying "You evil, sadistic bastards, you can't make
    fun of our lord in such a blatant and highly realistic fashion!"

    The site will include regularly released episodes of JFC, as well as fan
    generated content, great video/news and other links, hassle free
    commenting and more to come!


  4. Read the florida article, and this has to be one of my favorite understatement quotes of the year:

    "he walked into his office -- the same one his predecessor used -- and there was crime scene tape preventing anyone from entering.

    'That was an indication we had a problem in the department,'"

    Um, yeah, it's never a good sign to start a new job and your office is marked as a crime scene. It ruins my whole day when that happens.


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