First, you will be pleased to know that your Transportation Security Administration, ever prepared for all contingencies, has promulgated guidelines for the safe and efficient screening of "Monkey Helpers" at security checkpoints. Lest you be concerned that these useful simians are exploiting their cuddly winsomeness to jeopardize our freedom, rest assured that if a handler/monkey pair sets off the metal detector, "both the handler and the monkey must undergo additional screening."
Handlers can likewise feel secure in the knowledge that Transportation Security Officers "have been trained to not touch the monkey during the screening process." But bad news for our bashful, incontinent monkey friends: the Officers "may require that the handler take off the monkey’s diaper as part of the visual inspection."
Second, Asian Games competitor Shanti Sounderajan recently was stripped of her silver medal from the women's 800 meter sprint after failing something called a "gender test." An Indian athletics official explained that the test had revealed Sounderajan to possess "more Y chromosomes than allowed." This raises the intriguing question of precisely how many Y chromosomes a participant in the women's 800 meter sprint is permitted to have. Expert readers are free to set me straight, but I would have assumed the limit to be, um . . . zero?