Monday, September 29, 2008

Smartass Gets a Toaster

Mrs. P and I recently became proud owners of a T-Fal Avante Deluxe two-slice apparatus, and as a public service I thought I would reproduce, with annotations, portions of the instruction manual:

After a week of staring expectantly at that cardboard box, hoping for breakfast, I'm glad I finally consulted the instructions.

What?! And I bet you're going to tell me this "bread" is "sold separately."

But... but... you just told me I had to...?!

Not strictly an "instruction" (unless you are the toaster), but reassuring nonetheless.

This is generally how it works with toasters on Planet Earth, yes.

But how am I going to clean this fellow if I can't put him under the faucet? Wait, I know: the dishwasher!

Damn. Are you sure?


This requirement excludes two of the three persons in my household.

toast \'tōst\ v.t.: to render (as bread) crisp, hot, and brown via a process of heating and drying.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Lila, I can't believe you would say that about aboriginies! No, just kidding. I deleted Lila's comment only because it referenced HP's secret superhero identity.

  3. Can I start an emo band called La Grillage Commence?

  4. Secret identity? I always assumed you were an anthropomorphic piece of sacred, crusty flesh, complete with eyes and a little mouth.

    Speaking of crusty flesh, does it say whether you can insert odd bits into the toaster? I'm asking for a friend.

  5. OK, I'm in a corner cube so I can prowl teh Interwebs at will without anyone looking over my shoulder, but laughing out loud would be frowned upon. So I choked back my laughter throughout this post and am now in serious pain.

    I hope you're pleased with yourself!

  6. You know, in MY community, "getting a toaster" means something very specific.....

  7. Just take a deep breath HP.
    Besides, toasters are a waste of space. Now, a toaster oven is an entirely different story...

  8. Needed a laugh and you supplied it. Thanks!


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