The Townes at Cameron Parke

An open letter to the developer of the Townes at Cameron Parke subdivision in Arlington, Virginia:

Dear Sir or Madame:

I had the recent pleasure of visiting your fine development. I found the architecture and landscaping quite pleasant, but feel I must bring the following to your attention:

1) Dubbing your new subdivision "The ________s at _________" is rather like naming your child Madison. You think it's sophisticated, original, and indicative of your taste for olden-days refinement. And it might have been, were you among the first 10,000,000 or so people to come up with it. But you weren't, and it is instead indicative of your complete lack of imagination.

2) I am willing to refer to row houses as "townhouses" (although not "townhomes," mind you), if it will make everyone feel important. But no one has ever called them "towns," let alone "townes."

3) The first faux Olde Englande silent E shows merely that you are pretentious. The second demonstrates that you are, in fact, a pretentious bastard.

Yours faithfully,
H.P.