Post-Polling Pornucopia

It’s time for another Holy Prepuce! Research Update, where the cutting edge of academic endeavor is distilled, digested, and regurgitated for your special edification. Today’s offering: “Changes in Pornography-Seeking Behaviors Following Political Elections: An Examination of the Challenge Hypothesis,” Evolution & Human Behavior 31 (2010): 442-446. In this article, authors Patrick & Charlotte Markey answer the burning question of whether backers of successful political candidates consume more internet pornography post-election than do supporters of losing candidates.

The authors begin with some background about the “Challenge Hypothesis,” which suggests that “testosterone levels in males tend to rise during competition . . . [to] support various reproductive behaviors . . . . Interestingly, individuals do not even have to be directly involved in a competition for their testosterone levels to be affected; spectators can experience similar changes. . . .”

The effect has been documented among male supporters of winning sports teams. A recent study also “found that following the 2008 US presidential election men who voted for the winning candidate (Barack Obama) had higher testosterone levels after the election than men who voted for a losing candidate.”

Thus, the authors hypothesize, “[a] sexual behavior that might shift following the winning or losing of a competition is the seeking of visual–sexual stimulation (e.g., pornography),” and following an election we should expect to see higher rates of pornography seeking in states that backed the winning side.

As it happens, the authors tell us, pornography is custom-made for the male brain:

Men’s interest in pornography is typically attributed to men’s evolved interest in sexual variety and multiple partners. As noted [in prior research], men tend to fantasize about a place where “sex is sheer lust and physical gratification, devoid of more tender feelings and encumbering relationships, in which women are always aroused, or at least easily arousable, and ultimately are always willing.”

And where is that special man-place? Why in the magical world of porn, of course, which--as helpfully explained for those (presumably female) readers unschooled in the genre--“typically depicts women engaging in casual sex without investment.”

For those wishing to experience this “pornography” for ourselves, the authors explain that it is available in “a variety of media, ranging from books, magazines, film and video,” but advise that “however, currently, one of the most prevalent means of distributing pornography is the internet.” Readers unfamiliar with technical matters are offered the further suggestions that “[b]y simply typing a few keywords into a search engine (e.g., Google) it is extremely easy to search for pornography on the internet,” and “[f]or example, a person might type in the word ‘porn’ or ‘sex’ into the Google search engine when attempting to find pornography.”

The authors next detail their research methods, which utilize Google Trends data from the 2004, 2006, and 2008 US elections, data which can be drilled down on a state-by-state basis to determine the frequency of particular searches in a given time period:

The internet service WordTracker was used to determine which keywords individuals tend to use to search for pornography. . . by first providing WordTracker with a seed word relevant to pornography. For the current study the researchers simply used the word “porn.” WordTracker then searched the top 100 websites that rank highest on search engines for the term “porn” and extract[ed] additional keywords utilized by these sites. From this analysis, the 10 most frequently occurring, non-domain-specific, pornography keywords (e.g., “xvideos,” “boobs,” “tits,” etc.) were selected for the current study. . . . Google Trends was then utilized to determine the popularity of these pornography keywords.

And the results?

[T]he week after the 2004 presidential election Red states (i.e., the states that voted for the winner of the election) had marginally higher RSVIs [relative search volume indices] for pornography keywords than Blue states . . . . [T]he week after the 2008 presidential election Blue states (i.e., the states that voted for the winner of the election) had significantly higher RSVIs for pornography keywords than Red states . . . . [For the 2006 mid-term election], a regression analysis was conducted to examine whether or not traditionally Blue states (coded 2) had higher RSVI scores than swing states (coded 1) which had higher RSVI scores than traditionally Red states (coded 0). Consistent with the . . . hypothesis, a significant linear trend was found.

A key purpose of Holy Prepuce Research Update is to stimulate ongoing inquiry. For that reason I hope some among my readership will take up the authors’ exhortation for further research directed at some limitations of their study.

One such limitation is that backers of winning candidates

might have simply been happier and more likely to desire sex . . . [i]n other words, . . . changes in voters’ moods rather than testosterone levels [may] explain the observed changes in pornography-seeking behaviors[, a]lthough . . . previous research is somewhat mixed as to the relations between mood, interest in pornography, and masturbation.

Hence, “[i]t is hoped that future research might provide a more complete understanding of the mediators that explain why pornography-seeking behaviors tend to change following political elections.”

Another limitation is that Google Trends does not track the gender of users, and so it “would be informative for future researchers to utilize a different methodology that allows for the assessment of gender.” Nevertheless,

[g]iven the frequency that males use the internet to search for pornography . . . and the keywords used in the current study to operationally define pornography searchers (e.g., “boobs,” “tits,” etc.), it seems likely that the observed findings were driven by males.

And if I may suggest some avenues of further investigation myself: First, although revealing only “xvideos,” “boobs,” and “tits,” the article promises that “[a] complete list of the 10 keywords utilized for the current research is available from the first author.” Professor Markey may be reached through his laboratory at Villanova University, so please feel free to ask him for the remaining seven.

Second, as a resident of a blue state, I am proud to note that although red-staters displayed “marginally” higher pornography-seeking behavior after Bush’s 2004 reelection, we blue-staters delivered a “significantly” higher number of porn searches following Obama’s win in 2008. I theorize the following relationship: voting Democratic is but one manifestation of our depraved and comprehensive libertinism. Prospective testers of this hypothesis are invited out here to Gomorrah for a site visit.

Porn, Hookers, and Section 213 of the Internal Revenue Code

To: Holy Prepuce! Readers
From: Holy Prepuce
Re: Deductibility of Your Prostitution and Pornography Expenses Under Section 213 of the Internal Revenue Code

Question Presented

You have asked me to advise you as to whether your prostitution and pornography expenditures can be claimed as medical expense deductions pursuant to Section 213 of the Internal Revenue Code, assuming they exceed 7.5% of your adjusted gross incomes.

Brief Answer

No. The United States Tax Court views such expenditures as "personal expenses not intended to treat any medical condition." Furthermore, IRS regulations prohibit deduction of fees for "illegal operations or treatment." Claiming such deductions may also result in assessment of an accuracy-related penalty.

Analysis

A recent decision of the United States Tax Court, Halby v. Commissioner, T.C. Mem. 2009-204 (Sept. 14, 2009), is squarely on point. The facts, as recounted in the opinion, are as follows:

Petitioner [William G. Halby] is a lawyer admitted to practice in New York State. Petitioner resided in New York at the time he filed his petition.

During 2004 and 2005 petitioner frequented prostitutes in New York. Petitioner did not visit these prostitutes as part of a course of therapy prescribed by his doctor, nor did petitioner ask his doctor to prescribe any sort of sex therapy. Petitioner kept track of these visits in a journal. The journal included the date, the name of the “service provider,” and the amount. Petitioner did not discuss these visits with his doctors afterwards to determine their impact on his health.

During 2004 and 2005 petitioner purchased pornography and books and magazines on sex therapy. Petitioner also recorded the dates and amounts of the purchases in his journal.

The IRS subsequently disallowed certain medical expense deductions claimed on Halby's 2004 and 2005 income tax returns:

The $73,934 disallowed by respondent [IRS] for 2004 included:(1) $2,368 for medical books, magazines, videos, and pornographic material; (2) $65,934 for prostitutes; and (3) $5,632 in bank and finance charges incurred in connection with loans used to pay for the claimed medical expenses. . . . The $47,024 disallowed for 2005 included: (1) $5,005 for books, magazines, videos, and pornographic materials; and (2) $42,152 for prostitutes.

Halby filed a petition in the Tax Court, challenging the IRS's determinations.

The IRS argued that Halby was "not entitled to deduct amounts paid to prostitutes because such payments were illegal and petitioner has not provided substantiation as required by section 1.213-1(h), Income Tax Regs." Section 1.213-1(h) requires that taxpayers substantiate medical expense deductions by listing for each expense the payee name, payee address, date, and amount. Upon IRS request, the taxpayer must also produce an itemized invoice, identifying the patient, type of service rendered, and specific purpose thereof.

The IRS further argued that Halby was "not entitled to a deduction for amounts paid for books on sex therapy and pornographic material because those amounts were incurred for petitioner’s general welfare."

Halby "d[id] not argue that section 213 and the regulations thereunder allow a deduction for these costs." Rather, he

point[ed] to book and magazine articles about the positive health effects of sex therapy and argue[d] that [the court] should allow him a deduction despite the illegality of his conduct or the fact that petitioner’s doctor did not prescribe this treatment.

At the outset of its holding, the Tax Court noted that "[t]ax deductions are a matter of legislative grace, and a taxpayer has the burden of proving that he is entitled to the deductions claimed." Finding that Halby had not met this burden, the Tax Court ruled in favor of the IRS, reasoning as follows:

Section 1.213-1(e)(1)(ii), Income Tax Regs., provides that a taxpayer is not entitled to a deduction for any illegal operation or treatment. Petitioner’s payments to various prostitutes were personal expenses not prescribed by a doctor and not intended to treat a medical condition. Petitioner is not entitled to deductions for these amounts.

Petitioner is likewise not entitled to deductions for amounts paid for books and magazines on sex therapy and pornography. The purchases were not for the treatment of a medical condition but were instead personal items. Sec. 1.213-1(e)(1)(ii), Income Tax Regs.

The Tax Court further ruled that Halby was liable for an accuracy-related penalty, because he

did not have reasonable cause or a reasonable basis for claiming the deductions at issue. Petitioner has been an attorney for 40 years and specialized in tax law. Petitioner should have known that his visits to prostitutes in New York were illegal and that section 213, the regulations thereunder, and caselaw do not support his claimed deductions.

Halby has since told Forbes Magazine that he plans to appeal, "focusing on what he said was an argument he made in legal briefs but which the judges didn't discuss: The U.S. Constitution contains a right of privacy that protects consensual sex whether paid or not." He also told Forbes that the "pornographic materials . . . now fill[] 'shelf after shelf in my apartment.'"

Conclusion

Readers, your proposed course of conduct is unsupported by the Internal Revenue Code or IRS regulations. Although I understand that your prostitution and pornography expenses this year are likely to be considerable, I strongly advise that you do not claim them as deductions on your 2009 individual income tax returns.

Please let me know if I can be of further assistance on this matter.

H.P.

Aggravated Menace 2 Second Life Society

Holy Prepuce! seems to have taken a sober turn of late, which was never my intention. Just as I was preparing to subject the readership to more of the same (in this case a response to Linda Hirschman's Slate op-ed on reclaiming the morality of abortion in the Democratic platform), the Internets coughed up this thing of beauty.

The arrest of 33-year-old Kimberly Jernigan for attempted kidnapping, burglary, and "aggravated menacing" brought my original conception of Holy Prepuce! back to light. And that conception was to provide an outlet by which you, the reader, could gain insight into the astonishing range of expression given by fellow citizens to what Justice O'Connor once described as "the right to define one's own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life."

Jernigan's recent journey into the mystery of existence began when she met a 52 year old Delaware man in the virtual universe of Second Life. This being Second Life, naturally the gentleman did not manifest himself in middle aged, mid-Atlantic human form, but rather as a lion. Based on my limited exposure to Second Life, day-to-day existence consists principally of participants selling each other virtual jewelry, then furiously bonking on "SexGen beds" during global warming seminars at virtual ski lodges. So it should come as no surprise that Jernigan and her leonine acquaintance soon commenced a romantic--and sexual--online relationship.

All was well and good until the couple agreed to meet in the real world ("First Life"?) and the flesh-and-blood Jernigan proved not to the King of Beasts' taste. Not a woman who gives up easily, Jernigan hatched an ingenious plan: she would kidnap her ex-lover, teach him the error of his ways, and start a new life with him "out West." For reasons not made clear in news accounts, Jernigan's initial attempt to abduct her ex at gunpoint from his Pennsylvania workplace proved unsuccessful. Her second attempt, which involved posing as a local postal worker, also failed. (Media accounts differ as to whether Jernigan is legitimately employed as a postal worker in her native Durham, North Carolina.)

Events came to a head on August 21st, when the former beau returned home from work and was startled to find a laser sight illuminating his chest. By the time police arrived, Jernigan had fled, leaving behind a pair of handcuffs, a roll of duct tape, and an adorable Corgi mix named Gogi, whose snout Jernigan had unceremoniously duct-taped shut. Borrowing a page from Jack Ruby's playbook, Jernigan had apparently brought the dog to the scene of the crime, then improvised after she realized his barking might foil the plot.

An all-points bulletin went out for Jernigan's 2008 Kia Rio, which Maryland state troopers eventually spotted at I-95's Chesapeake House rest stop. A BB gun and laser-sight-equipped Taser were recovered from the vehicle, and Jernigan was arrested following the classic "brief struggle."

My delight at these events is of course marred by concern for Gogi, who had the misfortune to be caught up in humiliating circumstances far beyond his understanding. (Fortunately the Delaware SPCA reports that Gogi is none the worse for wear following his ordeal, and is no doubt available free to a good home.) But Jernigan's saga revisits many beloved Holy Prepuce! themes, of which I had lost sight during this recent political bent:

• Virtual worlds begetting real-world violence,
  
• Lunatic kidnapping plots,
• Questionable behavior in general, and
  
• Pornography as the inescapable endpoint of technological innovation.

On this last point, may I just add that while I applaud the technical achievement, whichever animator programed Second Life to allow human/lion sexual intercourse really needs a different hobby.

Girls Gone Wild in Zero G

Attention images.google.com searchers: By means of some algorithm that I do not understand, this humble blog post has become a top result for Google Images searches on the term "Girls Gone Wild." I have not seen a spike in traffic this large since the time I ran a post entitled "Kiddypics & Kiddyvids," detailing the bust of a rather-indiscreetly named Internet chat room. While I wish that my musings on religion, consumer culture, and the law could garner the same degree of interest as those on smut, I am happy for any increase in readership, and hope you will bookmark, fave, subscribe, or otherwise return to Holy Prepuce!

For those of you who are not late night cable television viewers (read: not new parents), and thus may not have seen the new "Girls Gone Wild" commercial, I am here to inform you that the latest installment of that oeuvre features a zero-gravity sequence.

Between community service sessions for his use of underage girls in previous videos, GGW impresario Joe Francis seems to have come up with the idea of sending some nubile young ladies and a camera crew aboard a "vomit comet." For those of you unfamiliar with aeronautics, this is an airplane that attains brief periods of freefall by executing a series of parabolic arcs. Typically this technique is used for astronaut training or scientific experiments, but in this instance the mission was essentially that of all previous GGW shoots: record the young "mission specialists" removing their tops, giggling, and fondling one another.

It's often said that the space program has led to some of the greatest technological developments for terrestrial use, and, after Velcro and Tang, this one clearly ranks near the top of the chart. It does, however, tend to detract from the pretense that the women featured in GGW are just ordinary mardi gras / spring break / fraternity party attendees who spontaneously expose themselves whenever they see a video camera. While it is possible that this group of young women would just happen be aboard the same flight as the GGW camera crew, would just happen to find themselves so overwhelmed by the experience as to spontaneously disrobe, and would just happen simultaneously to discover their long-suppressed same-sex desires, it does begin to strain credulity.

Person of the Year!

Oh ye of little faith, who daily email to say, "Holy Prepuce, you will never be Time Magazine's Person of the Year," come now and repent! For as "Me," and thus, in the second person, "You," I am one of the select few chosen for this year's recognition.

Not only am I capable of anteceding a pronoun, but I would count myself a member of the "new digital democracy," to which this "You" refers specifically. As a blogger, I am apparently one of "the many wresting power from the few and helping one another for nothing," one who "will not only change the world, but also change the way the world changes."

For all of you spoil-sports who say the editors copped out by naming such a large class of people, I would point out that the choice is not without precedent. Time named "the American Fighting-Man" in 1950, "the Hungarian Freedom Fighter" in 1956, "U.S. Scientists" in 1960, the entire world population under age twenty-five in 1966, "Middle Americans" in 1968, and all American women in 1975.

But this recognition of the great "You" of "Web 2.0" or whatever we choose to call the Internet these days has got me thinking. And what am I thinking about? That's right--porn. Because it occurs to me that Time is the same publication that in 1995 reported 83.5% of online content to be pornographic. Yes, the study on which that article was based has since been discredited, and a more recent estimate puts the number closer to 1%, but still and all, nobody can deny that there is an awful lot of smut out there.

Which means that, into the company of Gandhi, De Gaulle, Pope John XXIII, and yours truly, Time is impliedly placing the purveyors of "Sapphic Erotica," "Couples Seduce Teens," and "Big Sausage Pizza." The final site--I swear to God I'm not making this up--is devoted entirely to photo vignettes featuring unsuspecting pizza delivery men who arrive at girls'-nights-in, and are subsequently persuaded to introduce their members through the product.

I--we--stand on the shoulders of giants.

Wired Wednesday

As I have previously noted, the demands of my "real" job at times interfere with Holy Prepuce's core mission to provide complex analysis of the issues that define our age. This week is such a time.

In the limited time available to me, I will present a brief feature entitled "Holy Prepuce! Wired Wednesday," in which I update you on the latest advances in Internet culture and technology.

First, as I am neither under 25 nor Mark Foley, I do not maintain a Myspace.com account. As a result, I am generally unaware of the social customs peculiar to that site. But one cultural norm that has come to my attention is the prohibition against appearing on somebody else's boyfriend's page. In the sacred traditions of Myspace, this infraction is in fact punishable by death--as demonstrated by the recent behavior of one Heather Michelle Kane.

When the 22-year-old Mesa, Arizona resident discovered another woman's photograph on her boyfriend's page, she reacted as any self-respecting netizen might: she offered a neighbor $1000 to kill the encroacher. The neighbor informed a police detective, who posed as the neighbor's hitman buddy and asked Kane for a picture of the victim and a $500 deposit. Coming up with the picture was a snap--Kane just downloaded one from Myspace. The money was a bit trickier; Kane had only $400. After bargaining the detective down to $500 total, Kane handed over the $400 as a deposit and was promptly arrested. The moral of the story is clear: never trust a $500 hitman.

We turn next to an item from Northern Virginia. Critics frequently charge that online social interactions are divorced from reality--a detrimental crutch for those unwilling to engage in the emotional work that face-to-face relationships demand. Such theories are handily disproved by a 17-year-old Arlington resident and an 18-year-old from Centreville. (As of yet, their names have not been released by police.)

Apparantly the two met while playing an online game, and fell into an argument. Unsatisfied with electronic sparring, the young men agreed to meet in person and fight it out. The 17-year-old provided the 18-year-old with his address, and the latter drove the twenty miles to Arlington. The evening ended with the Arlington teen stabbing the Centreville teen three times in the chest. So let's not hear any more of this talk about online gamers' lack of real-world problem solving skills.

Finally, many of you may be familiar with such Massively-Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPGs) as Everquest and World of Warcraft. In such fora, players around the world join together online in fantastical environments to slay dragons, form guilds, and develop parallel economies dependent on Chinese gaming sweatshops hawking virtual gold on eBay.

The latest trend appears to be free-form, user-defined environments not connected to "traditional" (e.g. Dungeons & Dragons-like) game elements. Second Life, the most popular entity in this sub-genre, is not even a game in the traditional sense, but rather a virtual world complete with nightclubs, shopping malls, and events hosted by such real-world entities as MTV, Major League Baseball, and the American Cancer Society.

And, it had to happen: Utherverse, Inc. has introduced Red Light Center, a pornographic MMORPG. The good news? Basic membership is free! But don't get too excited. As the FAQs explain:

Basic users have limited abilities and access in Red Light Center. They can choose a clothed avatar and roam the streets. However, they are barred from many buildings which are designated as VIP only areas.

VIP membership will set you back $20/month, but seems well worth it:

What are the advantages of VIP?

First and foremost, as a VIP, you are able to choose a naked avatar, which gives a whole new level of fun to the Red Light Center. Those avatars can have sex with other avatars and there are lots of positions to choose from.

In summary, online life is rich in its diversity, and offers many advantages. With our computers and sinulators, we may enjoy in our own homes opportunities about which our forebears only could have dreamed. Unfortunately, certain traditional diversions, such as hiring cut-rate contract killers or just stabbing people directly, still require forays into the real world. But by working together, we can ensure that technology will provide a brighter future for all mankind.

This has been Holy Prepuce! Wired Wednesday.

Sinulator: The End of History

My friends, we have reached the end of history. As evidence, I present to you the Sinulator. (Do NOT click on this link at work, and especially do not try out this demonstration at the office.)

What is the Sinulator? Only the definitive answer to the question "what is the ultimate purpose of the Internet?" It is a device that "installs in minutes and is easy to use"; one for which "the controls will work on just about anything (Mac, PC, Linux, Palm, WebTV, airport kiosk, etc.)." And what exactly will the Sinulator provide you with at said airport kiosk? Why nothing less than the capability to "call or email anyone anywhere and let them control your sex toy over the internet!"

According to the application for U.S. Patent No. 6,368,268, "Method and Device for Interactive Virtual Control of Sexual Aids Using Digital Computer Networks," humankind has hitherto lacked a means for performing this essential function:

A number of sexual stimulation aids or devices are currently offered that are controlled by a person for self-stimulation, or to stimulate a third party (the "recipient"). . . .

Stimulation devices have been developed that allow the operator to control the rate of stimulation, as well as other factors that affect the amount of stimulation imparted to the recipient. . . .

These stimulation aids, however, require that the operator directly engage the stimulation aid. Only several stimulation aids are known that allow the stimulation aid to be operated by a remote controller-type device, such as shown in U.S. Pat. No. 4,834,115 to Stewart entitled "Penile Constrictor Ring," . . . and U.S. Pat. No. 5,454,840 to Krakovsky et al. entitled "Potency Package."

Nonetheless, these prior art devices all have the disadvantage that the operator must be in close proximity to the recipient. . . . Thus, no system enables an operator to control a stimulation aid from a location remote from the recipient. . . .

Accordingly, it is a primary object of the invention to provide a system that permits an operator to have interactive control of a sexual aid used to stimulate a recipient that is remotely located from the operator.

Just in case the patent examiners might be confused as to the intended purpose of this device, the applicants provide the following scenario:

By way of example for illustrative purposes, one can envision that a user at the first user interface (10) is using a joy stick to control a stimulation aid located at the second user interface (30). An event might be the user moving the joy stick upwards, or pressing a button. If the stimulation aid is a massager, the movement of the joy stick upwards might generate a control signal to move the massager forward. If, on the other hand, the selected stimulation aid is a penile stimulator having a stroking mechanism, movement of the joy stick upwards may generate a control signal to increase the rate of the stroking mechanism.

And to dispell any concerns that a power surge or short might bring a Sinulation session to a shocking halt, the applicants reassure the examiners that "[t]he remote transmitters (14, 34) preferably are either radio or infrared links that isolate the associated stimulation devices (15, 35) from dangerous current."

The folks at Sinulator.com have done a nice job of transforming design into action, providing a variety of, ahem, "user interfaces", a clever web-based control panel for your airport kiosk needs, a utility by which "performers" can put the control panel on their own live-cam paysites, and a convenient portal to such sites.

But I have to believe that these applications scratch only the surface of the Sinulator's potential. I want to see interfaces for Blackberry, Ipod, Friendster, Instant Messenger, and, what the hell, Wikipedia. I want to look in my Gmail Quick Contacts list, and see custom status messages like "onln bt in mtg--pls use setting 3 or blw."

As a final note of reassurance, I want to make clear that the Sinulator "works great over dial-up," "has been tested to meet FCC standards for both Home and Office use," and "arrives in a discreet brown box."

Rusty Yates More Popular Than Kiddy Porn!

Back in March, I posted an item about the bust of a hapless child pornography ring that had brilliantly named its internet chat room "Kiddypics & Kiddyvids." Little did I know that my brief post of the same title would become this blog's number-one draw of visitors.

It turns out that each Blogspot post generates its own "permalink" webpage, and the post title becomes part of the metadata for that page. This is a lot of techspeak, but the upshot is that if you run a Google search for words that happen to match the title of a Blogspot post, that page will come up fairly high in your results.

From the highly-sophisticated Holy Prepuce! command center, I am able to track the search engine keywords by which visitors find their way to this site. And I have discovered that there are a lot of people out there searching for "kiddypics," "kiddyvids," and combinations thereof. Interestingly, the greatest proportion of these searches comes from the Middle East. While America sleeps, Holy Prepuce! is receiving hits--often dozens per night--from kiddypic-seeking Persians, Libyans, Saudis, and more. Of course, the joke is on these visitors, since the post actually mocks punters stupid enough to put such words on the Internet from traceable IP addresses. (That said, I'm doing the same thing right now, but hopefully the FBI will read the rest of this post before it puts an axe through my door.)

In any event, searches involving "kiddypics" and "kiddyvids" were the consistent leaders among my hit-generating terms until this week, when Andrea Yates went back on trial for the murders of her children. With renewed interest in the Yates family, another early post, in which I discussed the "trade-up" marriage of Rusty Yates to the former Laura Arnold, began to garner attention. Within a day, combinations of "Rusty Yates," "Laura Arnold," and "remarries" had eclipsed "kiddypics" and "kiddyvids" as the new kings of the search term castle. In case you are interested, here are the current Holy Prepuce! keyword rankings:

#1 rusty yates remarries
#2 kiddypics & kiddyvids
#3 laura arnold yates
#4 laura arnold rusty yates
#5 (tie) rusty yates laura arnold

kiddypics
#7 (tie) rusty yates new bride photos
kiddyvids
prepuce
#10 (tie) holy prepuce
laura arnold rusty
mostly gizzards
laura arnold yates pictures
rusty yates new bride pictures
paintball on espn2
rusty yates remarries
stockholm joy paintball
rusty yates laura arnold
us paintball championships
rusty yates laura arnold photos
rusty yates and laura arnold
laura arnold yates bride
rusty yates new bride
kiddypics kiddyvids

I guess there is hope for the world's children after all--apparently more people want to see them drowned by psychotic parents than featured in smut.

How 'bout that paintball?

Brian J. Doyle

This is not meant to be the Stupid Sex Offender blog, but I cannot let it go unreported that a deputy press secretary for the Department of Homeland Security has just been arrested for sending pornographic videos over the internet to a Flordia detective posing as a fourteen year-old girl.

Now, I recognize that DHS is not technically a law-enforcement agency, and I realize that the boys in the press office may not be as up on investigative techniques as the front line operatives, but I would hope that any DHS employee would, at a minimum, understand the following:

1. The internet is not a good place to do things you want to keep secret from the government.
2. In the course of doing something illegal, you generally don't want to give out your real name, or brag that you are a deputy press secretary for the Department of Homeland Security.
3. If you want underage girls to contact you for illicit purposes, it is probably not a good idea to give out your office or government-issue mobile telephone numbers.
4. Contrary to popular belief, there is not a hoard of early-adolescent girls clamoring for sex with 55-year-old men. If you meet one on the Internet, she likely has a badge and a fondness for the Bavarian Kremes.

I note also that the DHS released an official statement on Mr. Doyle's arrest, no doubt in response to a flurry of media inquiries. Isn't that just the way of things? You're getting ready to close up the press office for the night when the media start pounding at the door, and your damned deputy press secretary isn't answering his phone! Where the hell could that Doyle be? Probably on the internet again, that little dweeb.

Kiddypics & Kiddyvids

According to Reuters, US & Canadian Officials announced yesterday that 27 people from the U.S., Canada, Australia and Britain had been arrested in connection with a worldwide child pornography ring. The suspects are accused of trading pictures and videos in an internet chat room entitled “Kiddypics & Kiddyvids.” Now, I admit that I find it difficult to put myself inside the mind of a pedophile. But it seems to me that, were I to create an internet chat room for the dissemination of child pornography—and were I interested in not going to prison for 15 years—I might choose a name other than “Kiddypics & Kiddyvids.” Just a thought.